LOST IN TRANSLATION
🧑🎓 MentorMate – a company run by software engineers, which means a lack of unnecessary hierarchy. Despite its growth, the company maintains the spirit of a startup.
A game with real situations, which are very close to everyday life, show you how some things appear clear at first glance, but are in fact unclear.
It helps you to avoid common pitfalls in communication and put yourself in other people’s shoes.
SYMPTOMS
- People misunderstand you
- People don’t react as you expect
- You are often involved in conflicts
RESULTS
- You hear clearly and understand correctly the other person’s messages
- You react adequately to the other person’s messages
- You aren’t surprised by the reactions of others and the outcome of the communication
- Fewer conflict situations
HOW TO TAKE THIS PILL
The pill starts here {
Example: How I answer, hearing with different ears
Factual ear
You are wrong!
“Everything is clear. We haven’t had time to implement them.”
Self-revealing ear
You are wrong!
“Aren’t you happy with our work?”
Relationship ear
You are right!
Appeal ear
You are wrong!
“Let’s look at them now.”
Factual ear
You are wrong!
“Yeah, I know. I’ve marked the date in my calendar.”
Self-revealing ear
You are right!
Relationship ear
You are wrong!
“I won’t forget and I don’t need you to remind me every single day!”
Appeal ear
You are wrong!
“I’ll tell you again – I’m not going to cancel my family engagement.”
Factual ear
You are right!
Self-revealing ear
You are wrong!
“Are you in a hurry?“
Relationship ear
You are wrong!
“Am I that slow?“
Appeal ear
You are wrong!
“I’ll send you an invitation today.“
What would be the response using the self-revealing ear?
"What? You think I haven't tried a few options already?"
Relationship ear
"You are worried there is not enough white space?"
You are right!
"Yeah, there is. I tried smaller font but it was not readable."
Factual ear
"I'll try to cut some of the text."
Appeal ear
What would be the response using the appeal ear?
"I am sorry I couldn’t find you a new opportunity within the team."
Relationship ear
"How long can you stay?"
Factual ear
"We’ll discuss how we can promote you into a senior position."
You are right!
"Do you find your current work as routine and boring?"
Self-revealing ear
Factual ear
"You are disappointed that I didn’t listen to you?"
You are wrong!
"I’ll talk to him about his performance."
You are wrong!
"I am sorry! I was wrong and I should have listened to you."
You are wrong!
"You were right."
You are right!
Self-revealing ear
"You are disappointed that I didn’t listen to you?"
You are right!
"I’ll talk to him about his performance."
You are wrong!
"I am sorry! I was wrong and I should have listened to you."
You are wrong!
"You were right."
You are wrong!
Relationship ear
"You are disappointed that I didn’t listen to you?"
You are wrong!
"I’ll talk to him about his performance."
You are wrong!
"I am sorry! I was wrong and I should have listened to you."
You are right!
"You were right."
You are wrong!
Appeal ear
"You are disappointed that I didn’t listen to you?"
You are wrong!
"I’ll talk to him about his performance."
You are right!
"I am sorry! I was wrong and I should have listened to you."
You are wrong!
"You were right."
You are wrong!
Factual ear
"OK, let's do it now."
You are wrong!
"I don’t have many observations. Better talk to the team."
You are right!
"I am happy you think of me highly!"
You are wrong!
"Do you want a raise?"
You are wrong!
Self-revealing ear
"OK, let's do it now."
You are wrong!
"I don’t have many observations. Better talk to the team."
You are wrong!
"I am happy you think of me highly!"
You are wrong!
"Do you want a raise?"
You are right!
Relationship ear
"OK, let's do it now."
You are wrong!
"I don’t have many observations. Better talk to the team."
You are wrong!
"I am happy you think of me highly!"
You are right!
"Do you want a raise?"
You are wrong!
Appeal ear
"OK, let's do it now."
You are right!
"I don’t have many observations. Better talk to the team."
You are wrong!
"I am happy you think of me highly!"
You are wrong!
"Do you want a raise?"
You are wrong!
Factual ear
"Yes, we’re very bad at planning."
You are wrong!
"You feel angry that we had to work during the weekend?"
You are wrong!
"That’s a good idea."
You are right!
"We’ll discuss this at the next retro."
You are wrong!
Self-revealing ear
"Yes, we’re very bad at planning."
You are wrong!
"You feel angry that we had to work during the weekend?"
You are right!
"That’s a good idea."
You are wrong!
"We’ll discuss this at the next retro."
You are wrong!
Relationship ear
"Yes, we’re very bad at planning."
You are right!
"You feel angry that we had to work during the weekend?"
You are wrong!
"That’s a good idea."
You are wrong!
"We’ll discuss this at the next retro."
You are wrong!
Appeal ear
"Yes, we’re very bad at planning."
You are wrong!
"You feel angry that we had to work during the weekend?"
You are wrong!
"That’s a good idea."
You are wrong!
"We’ll discuss this at the next retro."
You are right!
Factual ear
"I’m not little anymore! Stop reminding me!"
You are wrong!
"Yes, I was even done before noon."
You are right!
"I’ll do it in a minute."
You are wrong!
"Ugh, mom, stop worrying!"
You are wrong!
Self-revealing ear
"I’m not little anymore! Stop reminding me!"
You are wrong!
"Yes, I was even done before noon."
You are wrong!
"I’ll do it in a minute."
You are wrong!
"Ugh, mom, stop worrying!"
You are right!
Relationship ear
"I’m not little anymore! Stop reminding me!"
You are right!
"Yes, I was even done before noon."
You are wrong!
"I’ll do it in a minute."
You are wrong!
"Ugh, mom, stop worrying!"
You are wrong!
Appeal ear
"I’m not little anymore! Stop reminding me!"
You are wrong!
"Yes, I was even done before noon."
You are wrong!
"I’ll do it in a minute."
You are right!
"Ugh, mom, stop worrying!"
You are wrong!
} THE PILL ends here
SIDE EFFECTS – POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE
You will be able to put yourself in other people’s shoes more easily.
With the right messages, you will get the result you are looking for.
You will not be satisfied that others will not hear you with the desired “ear”.
Quite often you will have to explain The Four-Ears Model to others.
For better effect – take together with
EXPECT THE
UNEXPECTED
UNEXPECTED
Symptoms:
- You are unhappy with the outcome when you collaborate with others
- Mismatch between final results and agreements
- You can’t predict the other person’s expectations
GIVING
FEEDBACK
FEEDBACK
Supported by:
Symptoms:
- You avoid giving negative feedback
- People reject your feedback
- You give feedback but there is no change
TOUGH TALKS
WITH FOLKS
WITH FOLKS
Symptoms:
- You can’t defend your position
- You unwillingly agree to requests
- You attack when defending
Feedback
We are happy you reached this point without getting lost. If you found this pill useful and want to be up-to-date – subscribe to our list “A Dose of Soft Skills”! P.S. With what ear did you hear us?
