Feedback that works starts with listening
Vasi is here.
And for the first time, a song in Bulgarian. By one of my favourite bands:
[if you want to listen the songs of the previous doses → the newsletter is on Spotify too ]
Enjoy!
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Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 7 seconds.
Have you noticed how defensive people can become when receiving feedback—especially the negative kind?
Every manager has encountered team members like this.
Chances are, you have too.
You’ve tried everything…
You’ve used countless techniques and approaches for delivering feedback.
None of them seem to work.
The person resists your input.
They don’t listen.
They become anxious.
They get defensive.
They argue with you—or shut down completely.
The Trap Managers Fall Into:
Too often, managers tell their team members that they MUST change.
That their behavior NEEDS to improve.
This approach creates defensiveness. Why?
Because it makes people feel judged (I’ve felt that way, too).
Your feedback signals that you, as their manager, are in charge—and you’re being critical.
When you deliver feedback this way:
You disrupt how people see themselves.
You threaten their self-esteem.
You raise a barrier between you and them.
And when people feel judged or criticized, they resist.
They won’t easily recognize—or accept—the need for change.
In fact, they might begin rejecting your authority altogether or finding ways to avoid it.
The Results?
Your feedback doesn’t lead to any real change.
Their performance stays the same—or even gets worse.
At this point, you might start questioning: Is this person even coachable?
You begin to avoid giving them negative feedback altogether.
But over time, this avoidance affects not just the individual but the entire team’s results.
Does this scenario sound familiar?
What’s the issue about?
The Missing Step Before Giving Feedback
There’s a crucial step many managers often overlook before delivering feedback.
Something that precedes the feedback itself.
Something many managers neglect—or simply struggle to master.
By taking this step, you can create an environment where people feel:
- More relaxed.
- More self-aware of their strengths and weaknesses.
- More willing to reflect on your input without defensiveness.
It’s the key to making people more open, understanding, and receptive to feedback.
The Step Before Giving Feedback:
Active Listening with Empathy
When you listen attentively to their experiences and perspectives, you create a sense of psychological safety.
You’re sending a clear message: “Your opinion matters.”
This is one of the key belonging cues that signals to people they are valued and part of the team.
Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
Being a good listener doesn’t just mean staying silent. It’s much more intentional.
No 1: Give 100% of your attention, don’t just pretend listen
- No screens, no distractions: avoid placing a computer or screen between you and the person you’re speaking with.
- Maintain consistent eye contact.
- Adopt open body language. Face the person directly, with a relaxed, open posture.
- Reschedule if needed. If something urgent is weighing on your mind, it’s better to pause the conversation and agree to revisit it later, rather than being distracted.
No 2: Do not interrupt
Practice patience—it creates space for deeper understanding. It’s a skill—and like any skill, it can be trained.
Here’s how to start:
- Focus on being present. Pay attention to the person’s words and embrace the natural pauses in their speech.
- Resist the urge to fill every silence.
- Don’t plan your response. Instead of thinking about what you should say next, stay fully immersed in what the other person is expressing. When your mind races ahead to formulate a reply, you’re more likely to cut the person off.
No 3: Do not judge or evaluatе
- Don’t interpret what you’ve heard.
- Resist the urge to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about what the person means.
- Avoid judgmental reactions: stay mindful of your tone, facial expressions, and body language.
- Be curious. Approach the conversation with genuine interest.
No 4: Do not jump with solutions
- Instead of giving all the answers, guide the person to discover their own.
- Help them reach their own solutions by making good suggestions.
- Explore alternatives together.
No 5: Ask good questions
Before you ask, pause and ask yourself:
“If I ask this question, will it help them in any way?”
- If the answer is “yes,” then it’s likely a valuable question.
- If not, reconsider or reframe it to make it more constructive and focused on their needs.
Effective questions are about guiding the other person toward clarity and solutions.
No 6: Reflect and show support
- Don’t be a “stone face”.
- Engage actively both verbally and non-verbally.
- Use supportive expressions like:
“I understand you.”
“That makes sense.”
“I see where you’re coming from.”
In conclusion:
Listening Builds Influence
A good listener earns prestige.
Instead of relying on intimidation or authority to maintain control, you gain respect and admiration. This elevates your status naturally—without creating barriers.
Listening Is an Investment
When you take time and focus on listening, you’re investing in the person in front of you. By doing so, you help them feel heard, seen, understood, and more connected to the team. This sense of belonging often leads to higher future productivity.
Research consistently shows that managers who listen well are seen as true leaders. They build trust, foster greater job satisfaction, and inspire creativity within their teams.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give feedback—it’s a reminder to listen first.
By truly understanding someone’s perspective, you create a foundation for more meaningful and constructive conversations.
Let’s Wrap Up:
Tips for Becoming a Better Listener:
⟹ No 1: Give 100% of your attention, don’t just pretend listen
No screens, no distractions.
⟹ No 2: Do not interrupt
Practice patience and don’t plan your response.
⟹ No 3: Do not judge or evaluatе
Be curious. Approach the conversation with genuine interest.
⟹ No 4: Do not jump with solutions
Help them reach their own solutions by making good suggestions.
⟹ No 5: Ask good questions
Effective questions are about guiding the other person toward clarity and solutions.
⟹ No 6: Reflect and show support
Don’t Be a “stone face”. Engage actively both verbally and non-verbally.
Stay Healthy, my dear Pill-er!
– Vasi
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