People tend to go to extremes when it comes to giving feedback – there are those who “cross on a red light” 🚦 and those who choose “the long road through the ring road” ➰
When giving feedback, it’s important to be direct and to show empathy at the same time, so we have the following steps by the receiver in place:
➡ they heard us
➡ they understood us
➡ they are ok with what we had to say
➡ they are ready to approach the matter
🚦 People who cross on a red light focus on being heard. They are straightforward and direct. For them, it doesn’t matter how the receiver of the feedback feels. For them it doesn’t matter where you are and who is around you.
➰ People who choose the ring road are afraid of hurting the other person. They overthink the feedback, sometimes they don’t even get to giving feedback. But if they do – they sugarcoat it so much that there is a chance, at the end, the receiver isn’t aware of what exactly was the “theme” of the conversation.
None of the extremes are ok.
✅ The essential “rule” that we all should follow, is to synch with the people surrounding us on how to give feedback.
Some time ago we discussed with our colleagues from Zühlke Group that they have nurtured a “feedback culture”; that they’ve focused on people not only to say what’s on their mind, but to be heard and to move forward taking into consideration the feedback. If we take a look at 1-on-1 conversations – people are always asking for feedback after every meeting, every event and so on. That reminded us of our After Action Review that we do.
⚠ Before giving feedback – synch with the other person on the approach so that both parties are ok with what’s happening.
The Gang has thought a lot on the topic throughout the years. 💭
Check it out! 👉
1) What is After Action Review
2) Exercise on Giving Feedback – one of our Soft Skills Pills
3) Another Soft Skill Pill for receiving feedback on a team level (in a team) – Anxiety Party
4) Some Daily Vitamins on the topic
— The Gang
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