The Nonviolent Communication Model

If you feel insecure about asking for a promotion, a raise, or a new role in your company, because of the fear of being seen as arrogant, disloyal, or disrespectful → the model of nonviolent communication comes to the rescue.


What is the Nonviolent Communication Model?


The model developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg contains 4 components:

  1. Observations
    What you’ve seen, heard, or remembered.
  2. Feelings
    How your observation made you feel.
  3. Needs
    What you need or value.
  4. Requests
    The specific actions you want the other person to take.

These 4 steps will help you clearly express HOW YOU ARE and what actions YOU WANT THE OTHER PERSON TO DO! Without blaming or criticizing them!


The Model in Action


Let’s give it a go with a real example! Recently, a developer sent a question to our podcast “Radio Tochka 2“.

(We have special episodes where Vasi and Hari from the gang discuss real cases sent by tech people looking for soft skills advice.)

The person who wrote to us works in an IT company but for more than 6 months they had not had a project to work on or use the technologies they know and want to master.
Their question was whether to wait a bit longer (because they like the company) or if it is time to take a step forward and look for a new job and company.

Here’s how the nonviolent communication model can be used in a conversation initiated by our dev with their team leader:

“I see that for the last 6 months there is no dev work with the technologies I use. (1️⃣ Observation)
It makes me feel terrible because I’m not contributing to the company. (2️⃣ Feelings)
I need to develop as a specialist in these technologies. (3️⃣ Needs)
I want to work on such a project in the next few months. (4️⃣ Requests)”

In addition, they can express empathy and understanding toward their team leader:
“I understand that it may be difficult for you to find a suitable project for me. I like and appreciate the culture of the company. At the same time, I have a limit of … months in which I want to start working on a suitable project for me.”


What does the model give you?


  • you put your own needs openly on the table
  • you act with respect and empathy towards the other person
  • you have a clear position
  • the other side takes action
  • you are not surprised by the outcome

If you are hearing about this model for the first time – this book is the foundation on the topic.

PS: Our pill-ers (check out our newsletter!) were the first ones to receive this vitamin – directly in their mailbox! Make sure to subscribe – join the pill-ers

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